Discussing dog breeds, dog-adoption, and the human-canine connection.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Witches, Spacemen, and Spiders - Oh My!

I think it is important to keep readers informed of a range of important dog related concerns: adoption, nutrition, grooming, and trends in dogs dressing up in scary costumes.  After all, if dogs are going to try and frighten us by disguising themselves as spooky things like witches, spacemen, and spiders we need to be prepared ... and knowing what to expect is the first step in preparedness.

It is rather alarming to note that by putting on hats and bandannas the formerly friendly looking Collies become super spooky witches. If you run into creatures like this don't panic - under that disguise is the still faithful Collie - just yell, "Look out, sheep on the loose!" Then point behind them and when they turn to look, quickly walk away in the other direction. They can't enchant you if they can't see you.


On an even more alarming note there seems to be an increasing number of dogs choosing to join the dark side of the force. I'm speaking of wannabe Darth Vader dogs. What's up with that?

I suspect that the canines in question believe that by joining the dark side they will gain mind control over their humans and be able to get all the food and toys they want.




You need to be tricky to outsmart these plotting pups. In order to do so I suggest that you pretend to fall in with their plans. Increase the number of treats you provide...but give treats like carrots, celery, and apple. And provide lots of EDUCATIONAL toys, food puzzles, those sorts of things.

Who knows, given those kinds of treats and toys the mind controllers may give up and go back to taking long naps in the afternoon.











There's another route being tried to separate humans from their food and the best spots on couches and beds.

This is to run into a room looking like something that many humans instinctively move away from. This is a genius plan. Scare a person out of the room, even momentarily, and the disguised dog can score the best food, the still warm spot on the bed, and the last drink in the glass.


First, there is the classic spider move.
 
 Does a regular spider make you jump or startle you a little? Then imagine how you would react if a furry 55 pound spider jogged into the room. Who wouldn't drop their cheeseburger!

Of course, some brave people might decide to grab a rolled up newspaper and swat the giant spider - and rolled up newspapers are to dogs like a bucket of water is to a wicked witch - so even more clever dogs have come up with an even more devious disguise to scare people from a room...Monsters!

 Multi-headed monsters are just the ticket to startle a roomful of people. Unexpected. And even if you try to ward one head off from your plate of food, there's a two out of three chance you'll be stopping the wrong face from eating your diner.

Don't be fooled by the press they've put out there; dogs are not always people's best friends. Sometimes they are our competitors trying to take control of our homes, eat our choicest food, and probably plotting to gain control of the remote control for the television.
Really, you dare not let your guard down.

Listen to the cats...dogs may not be as trustworthy as they would have us believe.









2 comments:

  1. Oh my god, Vader Pug. Also, Vampire dog.

    Truly, I'll heed your warnings!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Jen - if we can save just one person's mind from dog control, we have made a difference.

    :-)

    ReplyDelete